I Tried All the Period Products You've Been Curious About
Periods are a bitch. Every month, many women experience up to a week where our bodies feel like they are literally torturing us because we chose not to procreate. There are varying degrees of terrible, but we can all agree – they are unenjoyable. No one wants to be bleeding. Especially from down there.
Dad, you should probably just stop reading this now.
Truthfully, I'm envious of those who have light and breezy periods. I don't like to admit to jealousy, but in this situation, I think I can be forgiven. I went on the pill when I was 15 because my week of bloody hell knocked me off my feet and stained everything in sight. I was seeing red for at least two weeks a month for three years. I'm here to tell you: Rush Limbaugh was wrong, and I am not a slut. Taking birth control cleared up all my female health issues, and I would not have survived without it.
Unfortunately for me, it also caused a lot of mental health ones. The thing that solved my problems was also the cause of many more. Isn't that fun?! After eight years of living in a fog, I let my prescription run out and went off the pill. Not to sound too cliché, but suddenly, everything was more clear (except my skin, am I right guys?). I stopped fighting with my boyfriend, my stress levels lowered, I wasn't so moody. I knew I couldn't go back on it, so I just hoped and prayed that my horrendous flow had magically disappeared. Much to my chagrin, it had not.
SO, instead of dealing with constantly worrying whether my blue jeans were suddenly going to be spotted red, I decided I needed to find a new solution. And here is where our weird, kinda gross, experimental journey begins, my friends.
I tried all those strange period products that you've been wondering about…
Let's start with the easiest one. Lola boasts 100% natural cotton tampons in a customizable assortment, conveniently delivered to your door. This much is true. They are, however, insanely expensive. $10 a box for 18 count is hefty, but if it was really going to improve my red week, I thought it might be worth it. In short, these tampons were god awful. The plastic applicator broke apart every single time I tried to use it. Within an hour of use on my first go, the string of the Super was covered in blood and causing me to run-not-walk to the nearest restroom. Upon removal I realized that the body of the tampon was in fact nearly dry. What. The. Fuck. A perfectly good, very expensive tampon wasted. "Okay, let's try again," I thought. So I tried, I tried, and I TRIED over and over again for three months until all 36 of my two boxes were gone. Sometimes the little buggers worked well (on a particularly light day), but most of the time I was panicking about leaking, realizing I was leaking, and then throwing away a dry tampon. And I have to say, I REALLY wanted these to be successful. So easy! So natural! Now, everyone's flow and bodies are different, so perhaps you might have better luck. Unfortunately for me, these are a 2 out of 10 uncomfortable men reading about my period.
I like to make changes in my routine to lessen the risk of harming the environment even more, so a menstrual cup seemed like a great option. I've always been a plastic applicator, scented tampon kinda gal, but I figured what the heck. Let's try something new. Lots of friends have recommended the menstrual cup to me as a complete alternative to wearing tampons. If you are unfamiliar and don't understand how it works, join the club. I read the directions five times before I even attempted. The menstrual cup sort of looks like a little bell, and is made of silicone. To use it, the wearer must fold the cup into half or thirds, and, well, stick it up there. That part is still a bit tricky for me. I'm honestly not sure how to do it without it looking like I committed murder afterwards. So, once the cup is all up in you, you pull down on the grip until you can feel it go back to its full shape and create a seal. I'm not going to lie to you, dear readers, it's fucking weird. I wish I could tell you I instantly fell in love and converted to wearing the cup all the time, but that's not true. I haven't worn it out of my house yet. And that's because cleaning it is pretty gross. I still haven't quite gotten used to finding the grip (maybe I need a bigger size), pulling it out of me, dumping the contents, and cleaning it in the sink. It seems kind of unhygienic. But I'm going to keep soldiering on. It really is a good solution to lessen our environmental damage and save on buying tampons/pads every month. Maybe someday I'll get used to using it and be confident enough to wear it outside of my apartment. But for now, I give it a 6 out of 10 cute, fluffy puppies in a cup.
YES. Yes. I love them. I've seen the ads all over my Facebook page for the last few months, and I have to admit their marketing team is on point. I do think it's a weird concept. Wearing underwear that absorbs whatever it is that's coming out of me without me noticing seems too good to be true. But I'm here to tell you, it's NOT! As I mentioned, I have a severe problem with leaking through my pantaloons, and THINX fixed that. Wearing this underwear changed how stressed I am during my period. I love them. I no longer worry about leaking because I know I'm covered by my hip huggers. I thought they would be bulky, but they're comfy as hell. And so easy to wash! I wear them in combination with tampons on my heavy days, and alone when I'm towards the end of my cycle. Sure, it's a little weird, but who cares? This underwear makes me so happy. What a weird sentence. No more ruining underwear or having stained ones designated for wearing during menstruation. I'm going to buy four more pairs. I can't recommend these bad boys enough. THINX gets 10 out of 10 hallways filled with blood from the Shining.
So what do you guys use to make your periods easier? Anything else you'd like to see me review? Let me know!